Don't Forget To Eat

I was reading my Bible when I came across a story. It was one I had heard before in church, but it was likely that I had never read it for myself. The story I’m referring to is found in Acts 23:12-35 in case you’d like to read it. Anyways, one verse in the passage stuck out to me very strongly as I read.

Verse 12, “The next morning some Jews formed a conspiracy and bound themselves
with an oath not to eat or drink until they had killed Paul.”

If you haven’t read the story, in the end the men involved in the plot do not succeed in their plan of murder. This made me wonder, “Did they keep their oath?” “Did they starve to death because of it?” “Or did they break it and eat?” To me, it seemed like a pretty stupid oath to make, mainly because it put your life at risk by possible starvation. Not a very wise thing to do, in my opinion. And not a very pleasant way to die, I’m sure. But even considering all my thoughts on the verse, at the time I couldn’t figure out why this verse stuck out to me so much. So finally, I decided it was an interesting verse and left it at that.

Not too long after that day, I found myself in a bit of a slump. I hadn’t read my Bible in several days, mainly because I felt inadequate. I knew I hadn’t been obeying God in a lot of ways lately and I sort of felt like I couldn’t come back and sit before God and read His word, when I was so far from living it. Unconsciously, I was not fellowshipping with God because I was trying to get my life in order first. I had unconsciously made an oath.

Finally, there came a day where I become so convicted of my idleness I, somewhat begrudgingly, sat down to read my Bible. For some reason, I flipped to Acts 23 once more. And as I read the passage, the reason verse had 12 stuck out to me suddenly became crystal clear. I had thought that making an oath not to eat or drink until a goal, such as the one in Acts 23, was fulfilled was stupid, but in essence I was doing the same thing. I was starving myself of God’s spiritual food, of daily bread (Luke 11:3) and living water (John 4:10) until I reached my goal of sorting my life out. But without it spiritual nourishment, I was growing weaker and weaker. And as I became weaker, I became less and less capable of fixing my life. I had no strength to stand up against my sin nature and do the right thing, because I wasn’t getting my strength from the Lord on a regular basis. I was just like those men in Acts. I was being stupid and I needed to stop. I needed to lay down my pride and nourish my soul. I needed to read my Bible and fellowship with God every day, even if my life wasn’t perfect. Because last time I checked, God takes imperfect people and makes them perfect. He can’t do anything with an already perfect person. He needs us to give Him our imperfections, so He can give us the strength to overcome them.

So moral of the story, don’t starve yourself of spiritual food. You wouldn’t start your day saying “I need to get everything on my to-do list done today, so I’m gonna wait to eat until everything is done.” No! You’d run out of strength! You wouldn’t be able to get anything done after awhile and you could even faint. Instead, you’d wake up in the morning and eat a good meal before going about checking things off your list. So, do the same thing with God. Start off your day nourishing your soul with His word and His presence. Use the strength He gives throughout your day as you strive to become more like Christ and fix your imperfections. Eat your daily bread and drink your living water. Don’t starve.

“Give us this day our daily bread” – Luke 11:3 “The Lord’s Prayer”

2010 - Blessed Year

Well, now that the holiday season is over, I’ve finally gotten a few moments of time to sit down and reminisce. 2010 has been a good year. The year opened with Music Man, a show that taught me more than ever, that when I am on stage, I am performing for an audience of One.
Next came Freeze Out at Lake Ann with my lovely Laura, where God urged me once again to be strong in living my faith. Soon came my first Calvary winter retreat, where God brought my heart once again to a place where I could surrender to Him. After getting end of school year stuff out of the way, such as Spring Concerts, Instrumental and Vocal S&Es, and Festivals, summer rushed in full blast, leading out with an amazingly fun marching band season.
In a rush came my first mission’s trip, to West Virginia, that changed my life in how God revealed to me my sin and His redemption, and how joyful and peaceful a life given fully to God can be. This was soon followed by summer camp at Lake Ann, summer Bible study and a marching band trip. Each event making it more evident to me how wonderful and fulfilling a life surrendered to God can be! Now, if only I could remember that and keep living that for the rest of the year, but alas. I fail at life so often, but never fear! God is still here! And He still loves me and picks me up when I fall…. Time and time again.
Anyways, with the fall came of course school, and band and orchestra and choir… and…. most excitingly…. THEATER! But theater wasn’t as it seemed. This year, theater brought to me one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life, and once again, when I had fallen away from God’s leading, God picked me up and led me to surrender my life and my ambitions fully to Him. Even though I didn’t understand, and even though it meant giving up everything I had worked so hard for, He told me it was for the best. So, I trusted Him and gave my life over to Him once more. And God took that surrendered heart and used it to for His glory.
I closed out my year playing Lily St. Regis in Annie at the Kalamazoo Civic. The blessings that came from that experience are too complex to even begin to explain here, but I have been blessed, very blessed. It humbling to realize that God uses me, lil’ me, who has time and time again, refused God and his help and tried to live life by myself and time and time again has fallen down, crying. But because of God’s great love, He has lifted me up once again and given me purpose and joy and love. I have been very blessed this past year, new friends, old friends, new experiences, new challenges, old challenges, new heights and new depths. Time and time again this year, I have taken my life into my own hands and soon after fallen into a steep valley, but time and time again, God has taken my hand and lifted me up, to heights where the view is fantastic. And I praise God, for giving me this wonderful view.
So, now a new year has begun. 2011. Looking back on the past year, I’ve had my ups and downs, but I’ve been immensely blessed. As I think back, I remember things that I have taken for granted, things that I should have been grateful for and wasn’t and that only makes my wonder at why God has blessed me even so much more. I don’t understand why God has blessed me even amidst my failings and rebellions, but I know He has. I don’t understand why He loves me, but I know He does. And that’s what I’m going to take into this next year, the knowledge that God loves me that God has blessed me.
I don’t know what this next year holds, but no matter what may come, I will remember how God has blessed a wretch like me and be thankful for His constant, never-ending love for me.

Christmas Isn’t Christmas Till It Happens In Your Heart

Christmas isn’t Christmas till it happens in your heart
Somewhere, deep inside you, is where Christmas really starts
So, give your heart to Jesus, you’ll discover when you do
That it’s Christmas, really Christmas for you.

Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire, a light like a candles glow
He’s waiting now to come inside, like He did so long ago
Jesus brings gifts of truth and life and makes them bloom and grow
So welcome Him with a song of joy, and when He comes you’ll know

That Christmas isn’t Christmas till it happens in your heart
Somewhere, deep inside you, is where Christmas really starts
So, give your heart to Jesus, you’ll discover when you do
That it’s Christmas, really Christmas

Christmas, really Christmas
Christmas, really Christmas for you

A Christmas Spirit

It’s Christmas Eve. Christmas is almost here. The tree is up, the lights are lit. Silent Night is playing on the radio. Presents are under the tree. I’ll be surrounded by smiling family in just a few hours. It seems that my heart should be overflowing with Christmas Spirit. But, it’s not.

“Why?” You may ask. “You seem to have all the ingredients of a warm and cuddly Christmas.” Well, if life were a Christmas special, I would say, “Yes, I do seem to. I must just be a helpless state of patheticness.” If life were a Charlie Brown Christmas special, I would say “Well, I think the extensive amount of commercialism surrounding the celebration of Christ’s birth is bringing me down.” But life is neither, and neither of those answers are true for me this year.

Truth is, the things that Christmas brings such as a tree and music and presents, normally lighten my spirit, and the commercialism doesn’t bring me down or keep me from celebrating the true meaning of Christmas, the birth of Christ. This year, there’s something else bothering me, there’s something else keeping me from having a Christmas Spirit and I fear that I can blame it on no one, but myself.

Have you noticed that we, as people, want a lot of things, and we want them a lot. But, once we receive what we’ve been pining for, it quickly becomes unimportant. It doesn’t satisfy us. We obviously would no longer feel desire for something we have already gained, but we should be feeling gratefulness at gaining something we wanted so badly, but instead we turn our unsatisfied hearts towards a new desire for something “new and better”, something that we hope will bring us happiness. This concept is illustrated well by a child during the Christmas season. Let’s say a child has been begging and begging for a MEGATRON 2THOUSAND! with lights and bells and whistles and the whole shebang. He wants that toy so bad, he pleads his parents to purchase it for him for months before Christmas and when Christmas morning finally arrives, he gets it! The squeals of joy coming from this child can be heard for blocks as he opens up his present, but a few short days, or even just hours later he’s no longer playing with it. He’s not excited. He’s not grateful and, by January 1st he wants the new MEGATRON 3THOUSAND!!!!!!! Even though most of us would tend to stray from identifying ourselves with that stereotypical child of Christmas, I must say that I can clearly see myself. I don’t desire a Megatron anythousand and my cycle of “Want. Get. Discard. Want. Etc…” may not be as evident, but it’s still there, and there in-lies my problem.

I, like the child, want things with feelings of incessant longing and desire. I strive to achieve satisfaction by acquiring things I think I want, things that I want to believe will make me happy. Sometimes I get them, sometimes I don’t. But even when I do, the satisfaction doesn’t last long and soon once again, I’m back to striving and longing for some other thing that I hope will bring my fulfillment.

Back to having a Christmas Spirit, A Christmas Spirit is a spirit, a human soul that is celebrating and is grateful for the gift God sent in his son and the salvation and forgiveness that he brought to us through his death and resurrection. It’s a soul that is worshiping through mouth, deed, and heart. It’s a soul that is given to God in appreciation for His gift and hence it’s a soul filled and satisfied with God’s joy.

Wait, stop. Did we just find something satisfying?
I think we did.
God’s joy is satisfying. And it’s free. God offered it to us when Jesus came to earth as our Savior. But just like any gift, it’s not yours until you accept it. To have God’s satisfying joy for yourself, you have to accept it. You have to accept His salvation from our sins. And when you accept His salvation and allow Him to guard your soul, He’ll make your winter spirit into a Christmas Spirit.

Here’s where my problem comes in, I have accepted God’s gift of salvation, I have been given God’s joy, but I have allowed myself to become distracted. Instead of embracing God’s joy, I’ve become distracted by my own selfishness. I’ve become distracted by things I want and desire. I’ve been pulled into a Christmas Oblivion of selfish ambitions and self-satisfaction. Like the child in the illustration became ungrateful for his present, I’ve become ungrateful for God’s amazing gift as I’ve allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting other things. My joy has become tarnished with the sin of my selfishness. My situation is expressed well my Paul’s words in Galatians 4:8-9

“Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?"

My Christmas Spirit might be in pretty bad shape right now, but it can be salvaged. Because it’s Christmas, and Christmas, like I’ve mentioned, is all about Christ and the gifts of forgiveness God gave us through Christ’s sacrifice. And God will forgive me and polish my joy up again, if I choose to give Him my soul once more instead of allowing my soul to be enslaved and controlled by my selfish wants and desires. A chapter later in Galatians 5:16 Paul speaks of how to beat the slavery he spoke of in chapter 4,

“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

Well, that seems like a tidy little solution to my problem, but what does it mean to walk by the spirit? It means: To live a life of daily surrender. To daily come before God and surrender your soul, your life, your love to Him. To live a life of gratefulness for the gift God has given you and to be satisfied with His joy. To have a relationship with and walk with God.

So, today, Christmas Eve, I’m coming before God, laying down my soul, my life, my heart, and my selfish desires and asking Him to replace my cold winter spirit with a joyful Christmas Spirit. The gift of the baby King who lay in a manager has changed my life and given me true forgiveness for my sins. For that I am truly grateful. And that precious gift is truly all I need. So, that’s where I’ve found my Christmas Spirit.

Where are you finding yours?

Battle Of The Heart

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty crummy.
I seem to have no passion for life. I have no passion for following God or His commands. I have no love. Life has become colorless. The lone passion of my heart that is still driving me forward in this life is a passion and a love for myself.

This past summer, I was very blessed with opportunities to be away from my normal life and focus on God. I was able to put my own selfish desires aside and strive to follow Him and his righteousness in my life. I was able to put my focus on God and live for Him and my life was full of passion and joy, pure, uncontainable joy.

But in the last few months, my joy has left me, my focus as has become fuzzy and with that, my vision has become cloudy.
I’ve watched as my focus has shifted from God, to myself. Slowly, as I’ve gone about my everyday life I have allowed myself to strive to live for myself, to bring glory to myself and to deny God in the moments of my life. I have in a way, turned my back on Him. I’ve chosen to ignore Him and His leading. And without God’s presence in my life, without Him validating me with His love, I have had to validate myself. And with that new task I have become prideful. I have become self-seeking. I have tried to elevate myself to make me feel better about myself. I have been seeking for approval, not from God, but from people and in the process I have only become insecure, lustful, hate-filled and bitter.
I am trying to control my own life and I am failing miserably.

As I’ve tried to control my ever-moving life, I’ve found that I can’t do it alone, so I’ve allowed sin to come in to “help” and now, my sin has its claws in my heart. It has darkened my heart and taken my joy and putting an unquenchable longing inside me and even though the pain of that thirst is agonizing I am holding onto the sin, clutching for dear life. I can’t let go, because I love my sin. And I hate that fact.

How can this be? How can I love what I hate and hate what I love?
Deep inside me, God still lives. There is still a small flicker of Light beneath the darkness that now surrounds my heart. There is deep desire and passion to follow God coming from my faith and the gift of salvation I accepted as a young girl and that’s where the battlefield for the conflict of my heart is taking place. There is a battle waging inside me for my heart. I love the thing that I hate. I hate what it does to me, but I still love the thing that is tearing me to shreds.

The one consolation in all of this is that I am not alone in this feeling.
The apostle Paul wrote these words in Romans 7.

“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am!”

“So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature[d] a slave to the law of sin.”

“Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

I am a prisoner of war to the sin that is enslaving my body: mind, soul and heart, but there is an escape. God wants to deliver me. Because God still loves me. God wants my heart. Even in the wretched state I am in. Even though I am covered in my own waste and sin, God still loves me and wants me. Because when God looks at me, He does not see a little girl covered in muck and grime holding a dirty heart filled with her sin; He sees a beautiful child, with the clean heart of his perfect Son, Jesus, who took my sins upon Himself and died so that I might be free of them.

I don’t understand why God loves me. I don’t understand why He constantly gives me chance after chance after chance after chance even when I blatantly defy Him and His commands. I don’t understand His unconditional grace for me. Sometimes, it even angers me. Even when I disobey, He always forgives me. It seems unjust to me that I am able to “get away” with my sin like that, but I’m finding that even though I am forgiven and given another chance, there is punishment for my sin, in how it enslaves me. And although odd, I find comfort in that fact, but what’s even more odd is that, I don’t find strong motivation to follow God because of that fact.

I think that it is impossible to follow God out of fear. You might be able to initially, but eventually fear alone will not be enough. As humans we were created to love and be loved. Love is the biggest motivation we have. My strong love for myself is what motivates me to hold on to my sin so tightly. My love for myself is stronger than my fear. Love is stronger than all else and love is the only thing that will motivate us and give us the strength to follow God. But in order to love God, we must deny our first love, the love we are born with due to our sin nature, our love for ourselves.

“Then he (Jesus) said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it.” Luke 9:23-24

This sort of self-denial is the single-most hardest thing to do in life, because our love for ourselves and our sin is so strong, but God’s love for us is stronger. And out of His great love for us, the same love that caused God to become man and die for us, He will empower us to love Him the same way he loves us if we ask Him and we seek to follow him in our lives. For I know, that life lived for yourself is overwhelming and painful. It is purposeless and a slavery to sin, but a life, given freely to God, out of love and obedience is filled with freedom from slavery, joy, passion and purpose.

So tonight, I am coming to God with a broken heart, torn apart by sin. I am giving it to Him once again. Because even though I am dirty and torn God wants my heart. He wants to free me from the claws of my sin that are enslaving me. He wants to heal my heart and make it clean. He wants to wrap me in His arms. He wants to fill my heart with His love. Why does He love me? I don’t know. I’m not worth it. But even so, He does love me and because of that, I will once again come before Him and deny myself. I will give Him my heart and give myself fully to the work of the Lord, because I know that labor in the Lord is not in vain (1 Cor. 15:58), but has a life full of passion, of joy, of purpose, of understanding, of holiness, of righteousness and of love.

“Thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:57

Are You Ready? In memoriam of the 9/11 victims and my grandfather.

As some of you know, my grandpa died this past February.
I recently saw a binder of his on my grandma's kitchen table entitled Devotional Life and asked her if I could borrow it. Upon reading it I felt a little bit like I was seeing my grandpa's heart. He had prayer lists, verses, hymns, writings, prayers and journalings typed out to look at everyday to remind him to follow God whole-heartedly. It stuck out to me that he REALLY loved his family and that he REALLY loved and God and that his life was completely centered around his Savior, and although I have seen where my grandpa's faults lay, mostly I see a man who truly loved and wanted to serve God with his life.

Anyways, here's a writing I found that particularly stood out to me

Are you ready? By Douglas G. Beason

"And the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain
shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air
and so shall we ever be with the Lord." 1 Thess 4:16, 17

If you knew,
for a fact, that Christ would return tomorrow, what would we do tonight?
First of all, we would probably check ourselves to be sure all was well.
• Those harsh words - we must apologize.
• The brief time in the Word -
vs. eternity!
• Our mechanical Grace?
• Really prayer?
What does He think?

All these "little" things must surely be cared for before Christ returns, and HE IS Coming!
May come Tonight?
Are You Ready?

On Dec 7, 1941, an enemy bombed our fleet of ships in Pearl Harbor. This in spite
of the fact that the Army Chief of Staff was at his quarters at Fort Myer, Virginia undisturbed by a message.
In Hawaii, a top admiral and an army general dined with other intelligence chiefs, and were given reports of special import but passed them off.
In Washington, President Roosevelt received a message from Japan, "This means war!" He decided not to contact his chiefs.
This illustrates how we can become busy with routine items, pleasures, and relaxation while the curtain of the greatest war drama in American history was about to rise.

What are our reasons for our unpreparedness for our Lord's return?

A clipping from the GR Press, May 25, 1980:
"It was such a nice day, such a sunny Sunday, who could resist a close-up peek at the mountain which has teased them for so long?
At 8:32 Pacific Daylight time, last Sunday morning (May 18) the mountain which so many came to see, unleashed a fury that the president of the US said made the moon look like a golf course.
It was the suddenness which took everyone by surprise. Ever since March 27,
the volcano rumbling and stewing stem, threatening to go. Scientists kept
saying that the end might be near, but they couldn't say when. It blew
suddenly, scorching blasts of air and gas which devastated more than 150 square
miles in moments.

"We tried to let people know that the hazards were and
nobody listened, the people went over, under, through and around every attempt
we made to keep them out. The bottom line is, nobody would listen to us."
32 reported missing.

Terrorists flew into the Twin Towers Sept. 11th 2001.
Thousand were killed, unsuspectingly.
Many met Jesus;
Many were unsaved. All were surprised!
What a surprise for the terrorists.
They though they would be in Heaven with 7 virgins.
Instead - they were facing God.

The Event Happened.
It need not have happened
But it did.
It should not have happened
It happened at a non suspecting moment.

Glad for those who turned off their alarm
Glad for those who were late in arriving
Glad for the lady who was fired from her job
Glad for those who were sick, etc.

But the Rapture is a SURE THING!
It WILL happen! It is Predicted, Promised, and Pictured in Scripture.
We are told, taught, commanded to watch,
Encouraged to prepare
Heaven's prepared for a prepared People

Will you be ready? Saved?

Will you be happy to meet Him?
Surely!!!
Will you be ashamed?

I am satisfied with Jesus
He has done so much for me

I am satisfied, I am satisfied
I am satisfied with Jesus
But the question comes to me
As I think of Calvary
Is my Savior satisfied with me?

In spite of the truth of this fact, we find ourselves working, planning and buying as though we were to be here for all eternity.
We have settled the Salvation question, so we know we are ready.
But say, if Christ should come to your house today – would you REALLY be ready?"

So, today September 11th 2010, I ask you to do two things.

1) Remember and honor those who's lives were given and taken so abruptly 9 years ago today in the name of American liberty and freedom

and

2) Remember and honor the One who gave His life 2000 years ago on a cross, so you could be forgiven and live with him forever.

At my grandfather's funeral we used this verse to describe his life.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the
faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord,
the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also
to all who have longed for his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:7-8

As it struck me several times throughout the days after his death that my grandfather was truly a great and godly man, that his life had an eternal effect on a great many people and that this verse described him almost perfectly, it also struck me that if I were to die tomorrow, I don't think I would live up to this verse, especially that first part. That bothered me. And I resolved to live my life in a way that is worthy of that crown that is waiting for me. Now, I admit that I’ve failed a whole bunch since then, but I’m not giving up.

I challenge you today, to examine yourself and ask yourself are you living a life that brings HONOR to God? And make today the day that you start to ready yourself for when Christ comes again or calls you home.

Blooming Morning Mercies

For my birthday, I was given some gladioli. They’re beautiful, tall flowers, with many buds. The most beautiful part about them though is that only a couple buds blossom at a time. Now, that might seem like a downside. It would seem that a flower with so many buds would be more beautiful if all the buds blossomed at once, but that’s not true of this flower. This flower has around eight to ten buds. The first one is seated about halfway up the long stem and one by one they assemble up to the top of the stem.
Now, here’s where the exciting part comes in. When the plant first blossoms, only the flower on the very bottom comes out from the bud, it lasts for one glorious day. Then the next day it wilts and you must pluck it off.
BUT!
That is not the end for our beautiful flower! While the bud from the first day wilts, the next bud, the one directly above it is blossoming! This continues until all the buds have blossomed!

I’ve been greatly enjoying waking up each morning to see a new little beauty that has come out of its bud and I’ve even enjoyed picking off the dead blooms and throwing them away. And as I’ve been doing all this it struck me that these flowers are much like how our Christian lives should look.

In Ephesians 4:22-24 it says,

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Just like the gladiolus, everyday in our lives we are to take off the old and put on the new.
Everyday as we allow God to work in our lives, as we spend time in His Word, as we spend time talking and listening to Him, and following Him, He molds us to be more like Him. He reveals our sinfulness, and forgives us, so that we can purge ourselves of our old nature, and He shows us how to follow Him and how to be made new and holy.

But that’s not the only way the gladioli are like our Christian life.
In Lamentations 3:22-23 it says,

“Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His mercy never fails. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness”

When we wake up every morning God has new mercies for us.
Isn’t that amazing! Just like when I wake up each morning a new flower has bloomed!
God never runs out of mercy and grace for us. We can never mess up too big for Him to forgive. He always loves us and always be there with a new morning full of new mercies!
Mercy that allows us to have salvation, Mercy that allows us to have a relationship with Christ, Mercy that allows us to be free from sin, Mercy that allows us to have God’s Word and read it, Mercy that allows us to live a joy-filled life no matter the circumstance.

So, tomorrow when you wake up, or even right now, remember God’s great mercy and take time to be with Him, thank Him, and let Him show you how you can daily take off the old and put on the new. Just like the beautiful blossoms on my gladiolus.

2 Corinthians 5:17

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"